This Week in Senior High...

Welcome to Week 7... Chuck Norris Week... for the third time. After two weeks being point person (on call 24/7 with a radio) and dealing with more than enough parent and guest issues, I am finally back to programming. Hallelujah!

I just returned from my day off and am feeling a bit... unsettled. Maybe that's not the right word... I just had my Week 6 day off on Thursday so it feels a bit odd to have been off again so soon... especially since I got off property this week. Plus the weather was kinda blah... Oh well... it'll pass... I was supposed to get T-shirts made in Bracebridge but the store was out of letters... (front) "Asians Make Mistakes Too" and (back) "Just Kidding!" Hahahahaha... inside joke between my boss, my partner Sarah and I... I guess we'll have to try again next week.

Okay, so I've been spending a lot of time this summer trying to figure out what it is that God is trying to teach me... Here's what I've come up with so far... Take time to LISTEN for God's voice. I get so caught up in the details of life and the plans that I have, that I forget to listen to what God wants me to do... He's been teaching me that in order to consciously listen to Him, I also have to slow down and take the time to be still... something which I find incredibly difficult as there's always something that needs to be done around here... (some have called me a workoholic...) BUT... that business robs me of opportunities to truly serve God. My latest example... whenever our guests have Conversation Cafe/Bible Study or Open Forum (panel of staff answer guests' questions), I am usually working on program or dealing with an issue. I went to Open Forum this past Thursday and while sitting in the crowd of kids felt God urging me to speak to two specific kids... Alright, before I go into what happened I have to explain something first... this is going to sound weird but whenever I get these urges from God to speak to people or do something for Him, my body tenses up... I get this knot in my stomach, my body shivers or my teeth chatter, and this looming feeling (or fear) that I have to do something out of my comfort zone envelopes me. In the past, I would have hummed and hawwed, trying to build up the courage to do what I knew God wanted me to but my insecurities always got in the way... and then the moment would pass and I would be left feeling dumb and like I had let God down because He had given me an opportunity and I turned it down. I hesitantly admit that I still struggle with being more concerned about the image that others see and with saying "the right things". Thankfully God knows that and loves me anyway... and He's breaking me and molding me... giving me courage and strength to be obedient. Okay, back to my story about these two kids... I got the urge... and this time I listened to God... and it was fantastic. I told a girl all about creation and how it reflects an intelligent God who was very intentional and purposeful when He created everything that we see around us. I told her that God cares even more about her. In fact, if He put that much effort into making a place for her to live, than He must have put a lot of effort into her... and that He loves her so passionately and wants to be a part of her life. Wow... Amanda... where did all of that come from? Hah... thanks for the courage God... thanks for using me as an instrument to speak to this girl... we were both blessed that night. Kid number two... a boy who was concerned that the Hindu side of his family was going to hell... innumerable questions about God and faith and the Bible, with most of his cabin sitting around me, we parted ways 45 minutes later... all of us blessed. Amazing. I serve an awesome God who doesn't falter or let me down. I love an awesome God who loves me back, just as I am. So I guess along with listening to God and obeying Him, I'm also learning how to TRUST Him. It's hard. I get this little voice in the back of my head saying, "You can do this on your own... Take matters into your own hands... maybe God is holding back on you..." I hate it. I want to believe ALL THE TIME that God has my life in His hands and isn't going to let me down. I want to believe ALL THE TIME that He knows what is best for me. I want to be able to accept WAIT as a perfectly valid answer to my prayers. Hah, I want to be more patient and understanding. *sigh* that's enough ranting for one day... off to evening program.